How to love yourself: 20 simple tips for a better self-esteem #stopcomparing

Let me ask you something: How often do you actually compare yourself to others instead of focusing on yourself? Or let´s go one step further: how often does the comparison make you feel bad?

Why do especially women always compare each other and decide that no matter how hard we try it is never good enough.

That there is always someone else who is better, prettier or smarter and way more successful than we are.

In our mind we create this perfect creation of all the characteristics we would like to have from various people, but this fake identity that we create isn´t even real. It´s just there to destroy our self-confidence. It is an unrealistic lie and this is the moment where we should stop listening to that lie and concentrate on all the great things about ourselves. ´Cause no matter which size you wear or which job you have every single one of us deserves to be loved. And the most important love in our lifes is the self-love that we give to ourselves.

It's called SELF-LOVE for a reason! Share on X

Learning to love yourself is a lifetime job

Learning to love yourself is not something you can check off your list, it is something you have to work on constantly, but if you reach a level of self-confidence it will get easier and you will feel stable enough with yourself, that you don´t care so much anymore what others might think or say about you. Your own opinion about yourself will be strong enough to deal with the problems of life that make you struggle. Learning to love yourself means accepting the person you are and the hard fact is that no other person can help you with it. No one else can do it for you and it doesn´t matter how pretty or smart others might find you, as long as you don´t believe it yourself it will not be your own truth. It is called self-love for a reason.
But the good thing is it is up to you. You can influence your self-esteem and control it. And here are some simple tips on how to do it.

Come on let´s boost your self-esteem together!

Start every day with some kind words to yourself. You can either write them down in a morning journal, say them straight to your face in the mirror or do something completely different. It doesn´t matter how you do it, what matters is that you find a way, that works for you.

We often forget to treat our own bodies well. Your body is unique and precious so first of all please give it all the important things it needs like: healthy food, enough sleep and water, lots of veggies and obviously some movement. That doesn´t need to be heavy exercise, but you always feel better when you moved it a bit. And secondly reward it from time to time with some extra kindness like a nice bubble bath, a massage or great smelling cream. I bet there are tons of things that come into your mind now, that you would like to do more often – so go for it!

Sometimes your mind might play tricks on you and the negative voice in your head shows you horror scenarios and makes the world look darker than it actually is. So if you are feeling overwhelmed by a situation, question your feelings. Try to take a step back from the whole situation and look at it objectively. For example, when you are hurt by a comment someone made, rethink if the person actually wanted to hurt you or if you just interpreted it in their words. Ask the other one, maybe there was a misunderstanding.

If you are actually hurt by the words someone else said to you then tell them. Right away. Don´t wait for hours or days to tell them afterwards in a fight. Say it directly and give the other one the opportunity to clear a misunderstanding directly or at least apologize. Being honest with others about your feelings is a very important step in standing up for yourself.

If you are expecting that something negative will happen to you then you will attract it. Better focus on the positive opportunities that you have and use the #lawofattraction for yourself. Sometimes bad things happen and doors are closing, but you never know which good opportunity waits behind the next door. If the first thing wouldn´t have happened, you would have never had the chance for the second opportunity – which indeed might be even better than the first one. Sometimes it takes some time to reflect and realize, that you are actually glad, that some of your old wishes didn´t come true, cause some doors better stay closed.

There is a german saying that helps me in the toughest moments. It says: „Nothing is as bad, that it doesn´t result in anything good.“ It took me a while to really understand it, but I believe now that it´s true. Even out of my worst moments, the biggest tragedies in life, there was still something positive, which would have not been possible without the bad.

Example: If I wouldn´t had the worst job interview ever, I would have not found the greatest internship afterwards, where I not only met new friends but also experienced a lot and learned some important tasks.

Stop comparing yourself with others. First of all, you only see their highlight reel and know so little about all the struggles they are going through, so stop thinking that this perfect image that you might have from others is actually true. Cause it isn´t. Secondly, you are not in this world to impress others or to change into a copy of someone else. Be you. Do what you like and feel comfortable with. Only then you will find inner calmness and your true self that makes you able to love yourself fully.

Don´t be afraid of making a mistake. Mistakes are totally normal, things go wrong sometimes. What is important is the lesson you learn from it. So don´t hold on to the mistakes you made, they don´t define you. They teach you how to make it better in the future.

Every one of us has old wounds that we haven´t allowed to close yet. Things that happened to us, that we can´t forget. But the thing is, if you are still holding onto the anger of your past, you won´t find peace in the present. Sometimes forgiving means giving up on a better past. It´s accepting that you can´t change what happened to you, but instead of letting your present (and future) get dictated by it, let it go. Let the wounds heal and you will feel so much better about yourself too. Give yourself the chance of a pain-free and fulfilled life.

Toxic people are the worst thing you can do for your own self-esteem so choose your inner circle wisely. Listen to the way how the people around you speak. Are they mainly pessimists that only moan about their stressful jobs, boring life or talk bad about their partners all the time? Then you should ask yourself if that´s who you want to be yourself as well. We are a mixture of the five people we spend the most time with and if you want to live a great life, it´s recommendable that you surround yourself with grateful people. Sometimes we are also used that friends we know for a long time already giving us contra or talking bad about us, we just don´t realize how bad their influence is on us just because we think it is normal how they act. But it isn´t and to push your own self-esteem you better recognize your own worth and stay away from bullshit-talkers.

The more respect you show to others, the better you will feel yourself. Love and respect are growing the more we share them, so please be a good example to all those people who forgot what a real respectful interaction is. Respect that each of us has different limits. Different opinions and cultures. There are so many differences between us, but respectful communication with each other is the one thing that can re-unite us.

One of the hardest things for me is celebrating my own successes. Whenever someone else is accomplishing something I´m the first one to cheer on them, but for myself, it feels way harder. But it is so important to celebrate the successes of our own lives. Especially the little steps are important, because the more we celebrate them, the more motivated we will be for the next ones to achieve. So next time when this thought in your mind grows and you feel it, then say it out loud: I did it! Be proud of what you just did. Celebrate your success, even when it´s „just“ a good mark on a school test. It´s great when you got a result that makes you proud so enjoy this moment.

One of the best things for making your self-esteem grow is to look at all the things you already accomplished in your life. And obviously, it goes hand in hand with setting new goals, because nothing makes you more proud of yourself than when you see that you are able to reach a goal that was defined by you. But keep in mind that your goals are there to motivate you, not to put more pressure on you. So if you feel like at the moment you might not be stable enough and that a to-do list will only make you feel worse than safe this step for later or start with tiny goals. ´Cause, you don´t have to reach a goal to be proud of yourself. You are great just how you are and reaching a goal doesn´t make you more precious at all.

Take your time. Every one of us is different. Some might only need a few minutes for themselves while others need a few hours per day of me-time. I´m definitely more the kind of person in the second group and I learned that it is really important to take the time you need for relaxing and re-energizing your body. Of course, it would be better when your day-to-day would be so joyful that you don´t need that time of refilling, but whenever you need a break: take it. Get a clear head and take the time you need.

This is not about meditation despite I´m sure that it could help you as well, but my next tip is about giving yourself the space and time to breathe again calmly.  For doing that I recommend you a walk in nature. Have you ever noticed that your breathing gets slower and deeper automatically when you are in a forest or standing in front of a beautiful big lake? Use that natural power for calming yourself. It will help you to concentrate on the basics in life again, instead of all your social media worries, which are actually not so important at all, as you will see and feel when you are in nature again.

Every now and then
try something new and leave your comfort zone. You will feel so proud of yourself when you tried out something new and maybe you even find a new passion for something. Perhaps you have a talent for drawing but haven´t discovered it yet. Or you are an excellent sushi roll cutter and will be the only one in class, who manages to cut his filled rolls without destroying them. Imagine how good you will feel when you discover a new skill or ability. It will make your self-esteem way stronger.

Sometimes when people want to compliment you they say: stay how you are. But this is actually not a good wish, even though their intentions are the right ones. Instead of staying how you are, it is better to change. Grow, try out new things. Find out who you really want to be and what you are capable of.

Have fun with it. Reinvent yourself by trying different outfit styles. Do something that you always wanted to try, but weren´t brave enough, because you were too worried about what others could think about it.
Nevertheless, it doesn´t have to be something big like changing your hair color to pink, just try something little like a new hairband or the style of how you wear it. Those little changes can give you the feeling of a new beginning and will push your confidence.

Don´t expect too much from yourself. All these steps will take some time. Be patient and kind to yourself and give self-love some time to grow. Learn how to love even your shadows and darkest thoughts and accept them as a part of yourself. Only then you can love yourself, your body and your soul truly.

Write a list of all the things that you are proud of or like about yourself. Your strengths, your funny talents, your achievements and all your greatest characteristics. Write the list when you are in a good mood and don’t be shy, no one else will read it. It’s a good way to remind yourself how amazing you are and on bad days you can have a quick look to cheer yourself up.

Find out which things bring the most joy to yourself and include those ones in your days. Do all the things that you like, which make you feel healthy, strong, happy or successful. Live your life the way that you enjoy it the most and you will feel in flow with your own wishes and needs.

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  1. Wow such a well written post. And could not be more timely. This has been a problem for some time now and in many ways it is worse then ever. Two decades ago people would feel bad comparing themselves to models in magazines and affluent people on TV shows. Then you had realityTV but again celebs. But people could brush off it saying on that is not real life, those are models in magazines and rich stars. But now with social media we see „real“ people with model good looks, beautiful homes, attentive spouses, adorable children and tons of designer clothes all living their best lives on IG and YT and now you can’t shrug it off as not real, b/c it is…

    Allie of

    1. Oh Allie thanks so much!! And yes you are totally right it can be so hard These days to not compare yourself with the life of other People, that you see on social media.
      have a great day gorgeous,

  2. Liebe Tiziana, das hast du einfach großartig geschrieben. Die Menschen vergleichen sich immer mal wieder untereinander, das darf jedoch nicht darin ausarten, dass sie an anderen nur das sehen, was diese ihrer Meinung nach besser können, wo sie besser sind und sich auf ihre vermeintlichen Nachteile konzentrieren. So sehr wir uns auch anstrengen, es wird immer jemanden geben, der schönere Beine hat, der besser singen kann, der schneller läuft oder eine besser Arbeit abliefert. Daher ist es wichtig, dass wir dies vielleicht bemerken, aber für unsere Selbstachtung müssen wir uns auf unsere positiven Seiten. Es ist dabei aber besonders wichtig, dass wir selbst uns akzeptieren und unsere Leistungen anerkennen – da können andere an uns etwas noch so sehr bewundern oder anerkennen, solange wir dies einfach nicht selbst zur Kenntnis nehmen und für uns so sehen, können wir dies nicht auch entsprechend fühlen. Deine beschriebenen Punkte sind einfach alle für unser Leben wichtig und wenn wir vielleicht auch nicht alle immer erfüllen können, so ist es schon einmal ein Anfang, wenn wir uns immer wieder etwas darauf besinnen und einzelne in Angriff nehmen. Danke für diesen motivierenden Beitrag.
    Hab ein wunderbares Wochenende und alles Liebe

  3. Wirklich sehr wahre Worte! Gerade wir Frauen neigen echt oft dazu uns zu vergleichen und besonders kritisch zu sein. Ich finde mich da total wieder!
    Einige der von dir genannten Punkte fallen mir nach wie vor schwer; obwohl ich mich mittlerweile bemühe mich selbst nicht mehr so „niederzumachen“.
    Na ja, es gibt gute und schlechte Tage. 😉

    1. Oh ja da hast du Recht besonders Frauen sind es gewohnt sich ständig selbst kritisch unter die Lupe zu nehmen. Ein Grund mehr zu sich selbst als auch zu anderen freundlich zu sein 🙂

  4. Ein toller Beitrag und super Tipps liebe Tiziana!
    Selbstliebe ist wirklich so, so wichtig und auch ich musste sie mir selbst „beibringen“. Aber es wird tatsächlich einfacher mit der Zeit und es ist es 100% wert! Danke dir für diesen tollen Post mit einer so wichtigen Message <3

    Ganz liebe Grüße,
    Krissi von the marquise diamond

    1. Hi Krissi,
      oh klasse freut mich sehr, dass dir der Post so gefallen hat. Ich beschäftige mich im Moment sehr mit dem Thema der Selbstliebe <3

  5. What a beautiful post Tiziana! I’m really into making to-do lists to set goals. And I also need to write again constantly on my notebook: it helps a lot to think about what you’re feeling in that moment and, in my case, I feel lighter after doing it.
    Have a wonderful afternoon!


    1. Such a competitive world we are into and especially social media for youngsters has put such an incredible pressure of insecurity taking thier looks, I feel pity. We need to teach and to lead by example that looking good is alright but feeling good is priceless and more important.

  6. This is a great list. I think I have the hardest time with self-love when I compare myself and traditional benchmarks to others. Like – why do I work at X when everyone currently has made it to Y. But then, I stop comparing, and my mind just brightens up. I focus on myself.

    1. Oh yes this happens to me sometimes too, but comparison never brings you joy nor happiness. I’m glad you learned how to deal better with it and find a way for yourself to not give these kind of thoughts too much power

  7. Liebe Tiziana, da sind wirklich einige tolle Tipps dabei! Ich bin schon seit einer Weile dabei, diesbezüglich aktiv an mir zu arbeiten, aber ich habe durch deinen Post doch noch ein paar Dinge entdeckt, die ich mehr beherzigen könnte. Vielen Dank dafür 🙂 Liebe Grüße, Jules

  8. Hallo Tiziana, ein ausführlicher und sehr durchdachter Artikel zu einem wichtigen Thema, besonders für uns Frauen. Am besten finde ich Punkt 1 und Punkt 13. Positive Affirmationen sind gerade für uns besonders wichtig, damit man aufhört, sich ständig mit anderen zu vergleichen und sich selbst in einem positiveren Licht sieht. Man sollte sich eher auf die eigenen Stärken und nicht auf die Schwächen konzentrieren. Auch der Punkt „Ziele setzen“ ist super, denn man kann richtig stolz auf sich sein, wenn man ein gesetztes Ziel erreicht hat und sich danach besser fühlt. Ein echter Booster fürs Selbstbewusstsein!

  9. I came to a point when I don’t even want to open my social media accounts and deactivated everything just because I find it toxic to find other people having the best time of their lives while I’m stressing on my studies and problems. I learned not to compare myself to others and just be productive on what I have. I learned to feel good about myself and attract positive vibes. Thanks for sharing this post. It really helps!


    1. Hi Shaira oh I felt the same in the beginning of the pandemic and it helped me so much to not be on social media. It can have such a huge impact on our lifes!

      have a great day,

  10. Great post. I have found that during lockdown I’ve been practising more self care. I always struggle with self esteem and comparing myself to others, but I find if I’m focussing on something I enjoy it gives me more confidence and I’m less likely to focus on others. xo

  11. Beautifully articulated, Tiziana. Self-love should come naturally to us all, „should“ being the operative word and yet, it is quite likely the hardest of all human emotions to grasp. One thing I’ve found works for me personally is when those demons come a-haunting, wrecking havoc on my self-esteem, I compare myself now with myself a year ago. Perhaps even a month ago. And without fail, I am able to find (at the very least) one aspect of my life which has advanced or improved or in which a milestone has been achieved. THIS is the sort of comparison game that we must all indulge in, on a regular basis 🙂

  12. Oh my goodness, Tiziana, this post is so fantastic! I love every part of it, and honestly as I was scrolling through and reading each tip, I found myself agreeing and loving the next tip even more, haha. You are so on point.

    I really love from the onset that you mentioned it’s a truly an infinite job to love yourself. It takes work, each and every day to build a solid foundation of self love.

    Wishing you the very best weekend ahead, my friend!

    Make Life Marvelous

    1. Thank you so much Ash!! I’m so happy you liked it! 🙂
      I sometimes open the post and scroll over it to find something for myself as well and it’s such a great reminder of little habits that we often forget even though they are so easy to make

  13. I love how you have articulated this problem a lot of us have, and your tips are so helpful! I think comparing is human and can be helpful if it helps you grow or learn things about yourself, so if that’s what you’re getting out of it, do it. Considering all the great things and people in my life is definitely something that always makes me feel better, and I think your tip about surrounding yourself with positive and supportive people and avoiding toxic people who bring you down is so true.

  14. YESS! We need to have better self-esteem. Comparison is something that we need to avoid. Everyone has different lives and we’re at different levels. I love all of these amazing tips! Thanks for sharing!

    Nancy ♥

  15. I think that the sad part is that women learn to compare themselves to other women as children, like we see it on tv and magazines, who wore it better, and best to worst dress list. It sucks. This is a very awesome post, and with some really good tips to help.

  16. Thank you for this! While I was reading I tried to think of a moment when I compared myself to others (because I do not think I do it often), and I could only think of the biggest crises in my life: soon before graduating high school I was enjoying my life, when suddenly everything crumbled down, and a big part of that was that by comparing myself to other girls I let many opportunities go, including some that I deeply wanted. Then again after college, and then again now. The quarantine brought its own challenges and I guess having a lot of extra time allowed my monsters out, and comparison began again. I really like your tips because they are true: stopping to analyze what is happening, what is real and what isn’t is key. I will print this and place it in front of my bed.

  17. Being respectful is so important as many of us forget this step. We have to also respect ourselves and the process of things. We might not be where we want to me now, but we’ll get there eventually.

  18. Hi Tiziana,
    erstmal muss ich sagen, dass ich dein Foto mit den Blumen und Händen total super finde!

    Deine Tipps sind sehr wertvoll und auch ich lerne immer noch, dass es ein lebenslanger Prozess sein wird. Das ist auch ok. Daher finde ich Punkt 6, das Vertrauen, sehr wichtig. Es passiert alles zu seiner Zeit und es hat etwas Gutes, auch wenn wir das erst hinterher sehen.
    Gerade mit Punkt 19 tun sich vermutlich einige Menschen schwer (mir inklusive), weil wir doch selbst immer eher negativ und abwertend mit uns selbst sprechen. Daher habe ich auch angefangen, mir immer zu vergegenwärtigen, was ich gut kann und was meine guten Eigenschaften sind.
    Wir sind nicht was wir denken oder fühlen. Wir sind wertvoll und liebenswert einfach nur schon dadurch, dass wir sind, ohne etwas tun zu müssen. Unser Selbstwert ist immer da und von nichts abhängig. Dieses Konzept zu verstehen ist gar nicht so einfach und vermutlich auch eine lebenlange Aufgabe 🙂
    Ein ganz wunderbarer Beitrag mit vielen wichtigen Inhalten!
    Liebe Grüße!

    1. Danke liebe Vanessa für den schönen Kommentar! Mir geht es da ganz ähnlich wie dir und ich versuche jeden Tag ein bisschen besser im Thema Selbst liebe zu werden <3

      1. What a good and important post! I’m in the process of learning to be good to myself so this was an inspiring read.I tend to always see the negative aspects of myself, my failures etc. Your tip to look at what I’ve actually accomplished and done well was something I needed to remember.

        1. Hi Susanne oh I’m so happy that my post helps you to see how amazing you are!! Everyone of us is unique and we should celebrate that instead of feeling bad while we compare us to others.

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