How to love yourself: 20 simple tips for a better self-esteem #stopcomparing

Let me ask you something: How often do you actually compare yourself to others instead of focusing on yourself? Or let´s go one step further: how often does the comparison make you feel bad?

Why do especially women always compare each other and decide that no matter how hard we try it is never good enough.

That there is always someone else who is better, prettier or smarter and way more successful than we are.

In our mind we create this perfect creation of all the characteristics we would like to have from various people, but this fake identity that we create isn´t even real. It´s just there to destroy our self-confidence. It is an unrealistic lie and this is the moment where we should stop listening to that lie and concentrate on all the great things about ourselves. ´Cause no matter which size you wear or which job you have every single one of us deserves to be loved. And the most important love in our lifes is the self-love that we give to ourselves.

It's called SELF LOVE for a reason! Klick um zu Tweeten

Learning to love yourself is a lifetime job

Learning to love yourself is not something you can check of your list, it is something you have to work on constantly, but if you reach a level of self-confidence it will get easier and you will feel stable enough with yourself, that you don´t care so much anymore what others might think or say about you. Your own opinion about yourself will be strong enough to deal with the problems of life that make you struggle. Learning to love you means accepting the person you are and the hard fact is that no other person can help you with it. No one else can do it for you and it doesn´t matter how pretty or smart others might find you, as long as you don´t believe it yourself it will not be your own truth. It is called self love for a reason.
But the good thing is it is up to you. You can influence your self-exteem and control it. And here are some simple tips on how to do it.

Come on let´s boost your self-esteem together!

Start everyday with some kind words to yourself. You can either write them down in a morning journal, say them straight to your face in the mirror or do something completely different. It doesn´t matter how you do it, what matters is that you find a way, that works for yourself.

We often forget to treat our own bodies good. Your body is unique and precious so first of all please give it all the important things it needs like: healthy food, enough sleep and water, lots of veggies and obviously some movement. That doesn´t need to be heavy exercise, but you always feel better when you moved it a bit. And secondly reward it from time to time with some extra kindness like a nice bubble-bath, a massage or great smelling cream. I bet there are tons of things that come into your mind now, that you would like to do more often – so go for it!

Sometimes your mind might play tricks with you and the negative voice in your head shows you horror scenarios, makes the world look darker than it actually is. So if you are feeling overwhelmed from a situation, question your feelings. Try to take a step back from the hole situation and look at it objectively. For example when you are hurt from a comment someone made, rethink if the person actually wanted to hurt you or if you just interpreted it in their words. Ask the other one, maybe there was a misunderstanding.

If you are actually hurt by the words someone else said to you, than tell them. Right away. Don´t wait for hours or days to tell them afterwards in a fight. Say it directly and give the other one the opportunity to clear a misunderstanding directly or at least apologize. Being honest to others about you feelings is a very important step of standing up for yourself.

If you are expecting that something negative will happen to you, than you will attract it. Better focus on the positive opportunities that you have and use the #lawofattraction for yourself. Sometimes bad things happen and doors are closing, but you never know which good opportunity waits behind the next door. If the first thing wouldn´t have happened, you would have never had the chance for the second opportunity – which indeed might be even better than the first one. Sometimes it takes some time to reflect and realize, that you are actually glad, that some of your old wishes didn´t came true, cause some doors better stay closed.

There is a german saying that helps me in the toughest moments. It says: „Nothing is as bad, that it doesn´t result in anything good.“ It took me a while to really understand it, but I believe now that it´s true. Even out of my worst moments, the biggest tragedies in life, there was still something positive, which would have not been posible without the bad.

Example: If I wouldn´t have had the worst job interview ever, I would have not find the greatest internship afterwards, where I not only met new friends but also experienced a lot and learned some important tasks.

Stop comparing yourself with others. First of all you only see their highlight reel and know so little about all the struggle they are going through, so stop thinking that this perfect image that you might have from others is actually true. Cause it isn´t. Secondly you are not on this world to impress others or to change into a copy of someone else. Be you. Do what you like and feel comfortable with. Only than you will find inner calmness and your true-self that makes you able to love yourself fully.

Don´t be afraid of making a mistake. Mistakes are totally normal, things go wrong sometimes. What is important is the lesson you learn out of it. So don´t hold on to the mistakes you made, they don´t define you. They teach you how to make it better in the future.

Everyone of us has old wounds that we haven´t allowed to close yet. Things that happened to us, that we can´t forget. But the thing is, if you are still holding onto the anger of your past, you won´t find peace in the present. Sometimes forgiving means giving up on a better past. It´s accepting that you can´t change what happened to you, but instead of letting your present (and future) get dictated by it, let it go. Let the wounds heal and you will feel so much better with yourself too. Give yourself the chance of a pain-free and fulfilled life.

Toxic people are the worst thing you can do for your own self-esteem so choose your inner circle wisely. Listen to the way how the people around you speak. Are they mainly pessimists that only moan about their stressful jobs, boring life or talk bad about their partners all the time? Than you should ask yourself if that´s who you want to be yourself as well. We are a mixture of the five people we spend the most time with and if you want to live a greatful life, it´s recommendable that you surround yourself with grateful people. Sometimes we are also used that friends we know for a long time already give us contra or talk bad about us, we just don´t realize how bad their influence is on us just because we think it is normal how they act. But it isn´t and to push your own self-esteem you better recognize your own worth and stay away from bullshit-talkers.

The more respect you show to others, the better you will feel yourself. Love and respect are growing the more we share them, so please be a good example to all those people who forgot what a real respectful interaction is. Respect that each of us has different limits. Different opinions and cultures. There are so many differences between us, but a respectful comunication with each other is the one thing that can re-unite us.

One of the hardest things for myself is to celebrate my own successes. Whenever someone else is accomplishing something I´m the first one to cheer on them, but for myself it feels way harder. But it is so important to celebrate the successes of our own lifes. Especially the little steps are important, because the more we celebrate them, the more motivated we will be for the next ones to achieve. So next time when this thought in your mind grows and you feel it, than say it out loud: I did it! Be proud of what you just did. Celebrate your success, even when it´s „just“ a good mark in a school test. It´s great when you got a result that makes you proud so enjoy this moment.

One of the best things for making your self-esteem grow is to look at all the things you already accomplished in your life. And obviously it goes hand in hand with setting new goals, cause nothing makes you more proud of yourself as when you see that you are able to reach a goal that was defined by yourself. But keep in mind that your goals are there to motivate you, not to put more pressure on you. So if you feel like at the moment you might not be stable enough and that a to-do-list will only make you feel worse than safe this step for later or start with tiny goals. ´Cause you don´t have to reach a goal to be proud of yourself. You are great just how you are and reaching a goal doesn´t make you more precious at all.

Take your time. Everyone of us is different. Some might only need a few minutes for themselves while others need a few hours per day of me-time. I´m definitely more the kind of person of the second group and I learned that it is really important to take the time you need for relaxing and re-energizing your body. Of course it would be better when your day-to-day would be so joyful that you don´t need that time of refilling, but whenever you need a break: take it. Get a clear head and take the time you need.

This is not about meditation despite I´m sure that it could help you as well, but my next tip is about giving yourself the space and time to breath again calmly.  For doing that I recommend you a walk in the nature. Have you ever notived that your breathing gets slower and deeper automatically when you are in a forest or standing in front of a beautiful big lake? Use that natural power for calming yourself. It will help you to concentrate on the basics in life again, instead of all your social media worries, which are actually not so important at all, as you will see and feel when you are in nature again.

Every now and than try something new and leave your comfort zone. You will feel so proud of yourself, when you tried out something new and maybe you even find a new passion for something. Perhaps you have a talent for drawing, but haven´t discovered it yet. Or you are an excellent sushi-roll cutter and will be the only one in class, who manages to cut his filled rolls without destroying them. Imagine how good you will feel when you discover a new skill or ability. It will make your self-esteem way stronger.

Sometimes when people want to compliment you they say: stay how you are. But this is actually not a good wish, even though their intentions are the right ones. Instead of staying how you are, it is better to change. Grow, try out new things. Find out who you really want to be and what you are capable of.
Have fun with it. Reinvent yourself by trying different outfit styles. Do something that you always wanted to try, but weren´t brave enough, because you were too worried what others could think about it.
Nevertheless it doesn´t have to be something big like changing your haircolor in pink, just try something little like a new hairband or the style how you wear it. Those little changes can give you the feeling of a new beginning and will push your confidence.

Don´t expect too much from yourself. All these steps will take some time. Be patient and kind to yourself and give the self-love some time to grow. Learn how to love even your shadows and darkest thoughts, accept them as a part of yourself. Only than you can love yourself, your body and soul truly.

Write a list about all the things that you are proud of or like about yourself. Your strengths, your funny talents, your achievements and all your greatest characteristics. Write the list when you are in a good mood and don’t be shy, no one else will read it. It’s a good way to remind yourself how amazing you are and on bad days you can have a quick look to cheer yourself up.

Find out which things bring the most joy to yourself and include those ones in your days. Do all the things that you like, which make you feel healthy, strong, happy or successful. Live your life the way that you enjoy it the most and you will feel in flow with your own wishes and needs.

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  1. Wow such a well written post. And could not be more timely. This has been a problem for some time now and in many ways it is worse then ever. Two decades ago people would feel bad comparing themselves to models in magazines and affluent people on TV shows. Then you had realityTV but again celebs. But people could brush off it saying on that is not real life, those are models in magazines and rich stars. But now with social media we see „real“ people with model good looks, beautiful homes, attentive spouses, adorable children and tons of designer clothes all living their best lives on IG and YT and now you can’t shrug it off as not real, b/c it is…

    Allie of

  2. Liebe Tiziana, das hast du einfach großartig geschrieben. Die Menschen vergleichen sich immer mal wieder untereinander, das darf jedoch nicht darin ausarten, dass sie an anderen nur das sehen, was diese ihrer Meinung nach besser können, wo sie besser sind und sich auf ihre vermeintlichen Nachteile konzentrieren. So sehr wir uns auch anstrengen, es wird immer jemanden geben, der schönere Beine hat, der besser singen kann, der schneller läuft oder eine besser Arbeit abliefert. Daher ist es wichtig, dass wir dies vielleicht bemerken, aber für unsere Selbstachtung müssen wir uns auf unsere positiven Seiten. Es ist dabei aber besonders wichtig, dass wir selbst uns akzeptieren und unsere Leistungen anerkennen – da können andere an uns etwas noch so sehr bewundern oder anerkennen, solange wir dies einfach nicht selbst zur Kenntnis nehmen und für uns so sehen, können wir dies nicht auch entsprechend fühlen. Deine beschriebenen Punkte sind einfach alle für unser Leben wichtig und wenn wir vielleicht auch nicht alle immer erfüllen können, so ist es schon einmal ein Anfang, wenn wir uns immer wieder etwas darauf besinnen und einzelne in Angriff nehmen. Danke für diesen motivierenden Beitrag.
    Hab ein wunderbares Wochenende und alles Liebe

  3. Wirklich sehr wahre Worte! Gerade wir Frauen neigen echt oft dazu uns zu vergleichen und besonders kritisch zu sein. Ich finde mich da total wieder!
    Einige der von dir genannten Punkte fallen mir nach wie vor schwer; obwohl ich mich mittlerweile bemühe mich selbst nicht mehr so „niederzumachen“.
    Na ja, es gibt gute und schlechte Tage. 😉

  4. Ein toller Beitrag und super Tipps liebe Tiziana!
    Selbstliebe ist wirklich so, so wichtig und auch ich musste sie mir selbst „beibringen“. Aber es wird tatsächlich einfacher mit der Zeit und es ist es 100% wert! Danke dir für diesen tollen Post mit einer so wichtigen Message <3

    Ganz liebe Grüße,
    Krissi von the marquise diamond

  5. What a beautiful post Tiziana! I’m really into making to-do lists to set goals. And I also need to write again constantly on my notebook: it helps a lot to think about what you’re feeling in that moment and, in my case, I feel lighter after doing it.
    Have a wonderful afternoon!


  6. This is a great list. I think I have the hardest time with self-love when I compare myself and traditional benchmarks to others. Like – why do I work at X when everyone currently has made it to Y. But then, I stop comparing, and my mind just brightens up. I focus on myself.

  7. Liebe Tiziana, da sind wirklich einige tolle Tipps dabei! Ich bin schon seit einer Weile dabei, diesbezüglich aktiv an mir zu arbeiten, aber ich habe durch deinen Post doch noch ein paar Dinge entdeckt, die ich mehr beherzigen könnte. Vielen Dank dafür 🙂 Liebe Grüße, Jules

  8. Hallo Tiziana, ein ausführlicher und sehr durchdachter Artikel zu einem wichtigen Thema, besonders für uns Frauen. Am besten finde ich Punkt 1 und Punkt 13. Positive Affirmationen sind gerade für uns besonders wichtig, damit man aufhört, sich ständig mit anderen zu vergleichen und sich selbst in einem positiveren Licht sieht. Man sollte sich eher auf die eigenen Stärken und nicht auf die Schwächen konzentrieren. Auch der Punkt „Ziele setzen“ ist super, denn man kann richtig stolz auf sich sein, wenn man ein gesetztes Ziel erreicht hat und sich danach besser fühlt. Ein echter Booster fürs Selbstbewusstsein!

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