How to deal better with disappointment and frustration

Your emotions are all over the place? You are struggling more than you usually do and are dealing with feelings of disappointment or frustration? Then let me tell you something: You are not alone! Especially at the moment in this unique self-quarantine time, where we all have so little impact on what´s going on, you might feel like you are missing out on something you were looking forward to. And it is totally understandable that you are sad, disappointed or even frustrated.

I can tell you I am. There have been so many things happening that really let me struggle, but the most important thing is to not give these feelings the control over your behaviour. The easiest way is often to start an addictive behaviour such as over-consuming which could be binge-watching, shopping or eating a ton of unhealthy food. But even if you think it might be a good escape, it does´t really help you to feel better nor to cope better with the situation.

You can´t avoid feeling disappointed or getting frustrated completely, but you can change the way how you react to it. You are the one who chooses how much power you give those feelings. So today it´d like to share some of my mechanisms, which help me to deal better with disappointment and frustration.

Realise Your Feeling

First of all it is important to realise that you are feeling the way you are and that something changed your good mood into a bad one. Ask yourself which actions or behaviour of the people around you started your frustration. If you managed to figure out the frustration starter, you can work on how you feel about it.

Change of Perspective

Now that you know what triggered your frustration, it is helpful to look at your situation from an outside angle. Try to see the situation with a different persperctive and to understand the others point. Look back at your own behaviour and analyse if you might have provoked the situation yourself or if you looked at things too critical. Did the other one really treat your wrong/unfair/unrespectful or did you just feel like it even though there was no real reason for it.
Often when we communicate our feelings with the other one we figure out that there was actually a misunderstanding. Or the actions of someone might have been thoughtless and hurt you, but his/her intentions were good ones. You don’t always have to find a solution, sometimes it already helps a lot to hear from the other one that they understand your frustration.

Accept Your Feelings

Instead of getting angry about your own frustration, better accept your feelings of frustration. It is okay to feel the way you are feeling right now. Ask yourself what you can do to make the situation better for you. To you want some time alone? Need an apology or a hug? Or maybe most importantly forgive yourself that your body and mind feel frustrated. Accept your feelings without blaming them and often the frustration lights up a bit already.

Acknowledge Your Losses

Especially at the moment we are dealing with multiple losses, so its no wonder that our feelings are more temper. Some loose major things like there jobs or even loved ones; others might loose things that look smaller in comparison like not being able to go to their prom or missing out on something they´ve been looking toward to for a long time. Of course loosing a family member or friend is way worse, than just not being able to celebrate the end of your school career on a prom dance. But in my opinion it is important to acknowledge and accept all kinds of the losses big or small that people had.
Sure it is important to put your frustration in perspective to what other people might be going through, but don’t just cut your own feelings of. Otherwise your grief will grow. It is okay to be sad that you are missing out on the big family reunion or whatever other thing it is that you´ve been looking forward to. Allow yourself to be disappointed of it. Accept your feelings for a moment and than let it go, close this chapter and move on. But if you swallow your disappointment or the frustration it will come back up in another moment and I´m sure we all don’t want to let out our frustration on a loved one for no reason. Better deal with your feelings instead of letting them out one the people that are important to you.

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Focus On What You Can Control Instead of What You Can Not Control

Taking the current situation as an example: Unless you are a politician no one of us can decide when this home quarantine status will stop and when we will all feel save again. So if you don´t want to grow your frustration better focus on the things that you can control, instead of the ones that are out of your reach. And there is always something that you can decide for yourself. Even if it is no the environment that surrounds you right now, you can still choose your own behaviour and your attitude how you react on things. You have the power over how you spend your time and which thoughts you empower.

Calm Yourself

Give yourself relaxing breaks and plan them ahead. Find something that relaxes you and make sure that the next time you get frustrated you can focus on this relaxing habit. I for example love reading and a hot bath, so when I get frustrated or overwhelmed by my environment I either try to do one little relaxing habit right away or if it´s not possible because of the timing I tell myself that I can take this bath tonight. That way there is something nice I´m looking forward to and it takes some of my stress or frustration away. You could try to put a happy song on and dance for a few hours. You could try meditation, yoga or painting – basically whatever makes you feel better and let´s go of the stress of your day.

Let It All Out

If your frustration isn´t going away and calming yourself doesn’t work than choose something where you can let it all out. Obviously not on the people around you! What I mean is power yourself out in a sport. If you live in the nature go for a walk and find a spot where you are alone and can let out a scream. Find something that fits your lifestyle so that you have a prepared exit habit for the next time that you get frustrated and you will deal with it way better.

Plan Your Happiness

Include more moments of happiness in your daily journey by planning them in advance. Make sure that way you always have something you are looking forward to. In intense moments where frustration might come up, it will help you to concentrate on this great thing that you will do later. But please just binge-watching does not count, if you really want it to work your moments of happiness should be different every day and things that you truly enjoy. Write a list of which things give you a great feeling and sometimes it might be even something little that you are looking forward to like sleeping in fresh washed bedsheets or starting a new book of your favourite author. You know yourself best so I´m sure you already have a couple of things in mind. The good thing about having this list prepared is that when you are not feeling great, you can just look at it and start some of the happy habits, instead of getting even more frustrated, because you don’t know what you feel like doing

Challenge Yourself

This tip might surprise you but there are studies that prove, that you are better in balancing your feelings, when you are used to challenging yourself. So plan some challenging things for yourself. This could be small things like taking a quiz, going alone somewhere like a restaurant or even a solo-travel. You could do a workout-challenge or eat food you would normally not give a try. These easy tricks help your brain get more open-minded and see that other methods or the opinions of other people are not always bad. It will help you to realise how many different ways of doing something exist and in that way how many perspectives. It will also push your self-esteem, which helps you to not get frustrated about some things so easily.

Sense And Purpose

Check if the moments that bring you frustration actually need to be faced. Maybe some of them could be done by someone else. For example you could give away an unpopular task like your tax declaration and use that new time for more moments of happiness. If you compare how little it actually costs to how much happiness it got you it might be worth it. Or you need some spare time without your kids, find someone who can take care of them for an hour or two.
If you are more advanced than look for a purpose in your own life. What are your goals? How could you help others more and make the world a better place? It will make your life feel more meaningful if you see that you are bringing a positive effect on other peoples life. Even in these virus times you can ALWAYS find someone who needs help. You could go shopping for your elderly neighbours, look after the kids of a mom that still has to work and doesn’t have any help. Or you can offer things online to others. If you act kind and be empathetic, you will feel more loved and happier with yourself. And the happier you are with yourself and your life and the more balanced your feelings are, the better you will handle disappointing situations.

Prioritise Your Own Mental Health

Last but not least only look to others for encouragement, not for judgement. If you realise that your self-judgement is on a high level because of some social media accounts than better unfollow them or at least limit your consuming time. Be careful with what you let impact you and concentrate on people that lift you up. Find a person that motivates and inspires you and make sure your mental health is as good as your physical one.

When was the last time your frustration took over your behaviour? Do you often deal with disappointment or frustration? What are your best working habits to feel better in such an overwhelming moment?

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57 comments

  1. Liebe Tiziana, was für ein wunderbarer Beitrag – ich bin ganz begeistert von deinen tollen Worten, denn dieses Thema beschäftigt mich zurzeit auch total und ich mache mir viele Gedanken darüber. Ich finde die Herangehensweise und Aufbereitung bei dir wirklich großartig und du schreibst über für mich wirklich wichtige Punkte. Besonders der Perspektivenwechsel ist für mich mit sozialen Miteinander entscheidend – viele Menschen sind einfach nur auf sich bezogen und alles andere wird von vorneherein verurteilt und nicht akzeptiert, ja es wird nicht einmal in Betracht gezogen. Unabhängig von der gegenwärtigen Situation ist dies meines Erachtens wichtig, auch eine Thematik auch mal vorurteilsfrei aus einer anderen Sicht zu betrachten – vielleicht lernen wir dabei auch andere Gesichtspunkte kennen oder wir finden Verständnis für die Situation des anderen und dessen Entscheidungen.
    Hab ein wunderbares Wochenende und alles Liebe

  2. These are such great tips! I love them all – especially „Focus On What You Can Control Instead of What You Can Not Control“ I always try remind myself of this.

    Lots of love to you x

    findyourownhope.com

  3. I agree with all these points, Tiziana. I have been a little more stressed than usual as we seem to be super busy with work, homeschooling and everything else. I don’t worry so much about when the quarantine is going to end, I guess because I know we’re all in it together which seems to help. I must be at the stage of acceptance (finally). Hope you stay well!

  4. This post has absolutely come at the exact right time! My whole life plan is messed up right now because the quarantine has stopped me from going on my first ever expedition – so planning my happiness is making it a little better!

    1. Hi Amy oh I’m so sad to hear that! Hope you can make it on a different time. I wish you all the best and send you good energy to find your own way in this tricky time.
      Have a good day

  5. This post is gold, my friend! It’s such helpful advice in general, but especially during this difficult time of most of us being stuck in quarantine. I really love keeping things in perspective, and trying to see a situation from someone else’s point of view.

    Hope all is well with you, my beautiful friend!

    Make Life Marvelous

    1. Hi Ash,
      thanks that so sweet of you!! We all have our ups and downs each day and I hope I can make a positive impact on some of your days 🙂
      send you lots of love!

  6. This is such a well-written topic – Brava! You’ve given lots of great tips on how to navigate frustration, loss, pain…and what you’ve written about mental health is very on point. As long as you are not maliciously harming others, prioritizing your mental health is a must. That’s where it all starts from – our brain, and if this is not in the right place, the side-effects are like a domino effect that spills into your physical health, other relationships etc.
    Wishing you a good start to your week, Xo

    1. Hi Biki oh yes that’s true. Mental Health is so important and if we don’t take care of it, it has such a huge impact on our lifes. Sadly we mostly realize it when we are already struggling. I’m concentrating a lot on my own happiness and health at the moment and can see how many positive effects it has in not only my life but also the ones of others,
      I send you lots of love

  7. Liebe Tiziana, ein ganz toller und so wichtiger Beitrag. Kein Mensch ist davor gefeit, auch einmal schlechte Phasen zu haben, niemand, auch wenn viele es gerne vorspielen, ist immer gut drauf und kommt mit jeder Situation bestens zurecht, das ist einfach nicht menschlich. Wichtig ist es, glaube ich auch, Gefühle einfach zuzulassen, nicht mit Gewalt zu bekämpfen, aber schon zu hinterfragen und ein Perspektivwechsel schadet tatsächlich nie. Ganz tolle und hilfreiche Tipps. Ich hoffe, dir geht es in der Ferne nach wie vor gut, aber ich bin mir bei dir ziemlich sicher, dass du aus jeder Situation das Beste machst. Schau weiter gut auf dich und vielen, vielen Dank für diesen tollen Beitrag, alles, alles Liebe, x S.Mirli
    https://www.mirlime.at

    1. Da hast du Recht meine liebe Mirli, seine Gefühle nicht zu unterdrücken und zu ihnen zu stehen ist so wichtig. Mittlerweile habe ich es zum Glück tatsächlich endlich nach Deutschland zurück geschafft und bin gerade dabei mich hier wieder ein bisschen einzuleben 🙂
      Ganz liebe Grüße!!

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