How to make new friends – as an adult

Hello friends, today I would like to talk about a topic that has been important to me in the last years. It seems like losing friendships over the years is part of getting older. You might have developed different interests, priorities and life goals and grown apart from your old buddies. Or you moved to a new place or abroad like me. Making new friends as an adult isn´t that easy for everyone so I share some experiences and tips what had helped me in the last years. 

Open up about your desire

The first and most helpful mindset shifter is when you are open and honest about the fact, that you want to find new friends. Tell people, that you would like to get to know more people. Don´t hide it. Give others the chance to introduce you to their inner circle. It might sound scary or weird, but you would be surprised how many people like to introduce you to others.

Expect the Awkwardness

Get ready for feeling awkward and uncomfortable. You will have moments, where you regret going out. You will feel like an outsider, who doesn´t understand inside jokes or the conversation topics. You might even feel weird about how you present yourself and what you said. It´s okay to be nervous, there is no need to over-worry. No one pays as much attention to your behaviour as you do. Better concentrate on getting to know the other people around you.

Go to Events

Visit places you like more frequently and use them to connect with others. Look up events in your favourite bookstores, coffeeshop or cultural institute. Create or join a (sports) club. You will have a shared interest over which you can bond easily. Co-Working spaces are also a great opportunity.

Find Your Community

If you struggle with finding your community, it can help to look for them online. I made very good experiences with Facebook. When I was one year in Australia I searched for my city and occupation. When I moved to Chile I looked up germans in Santiago and created a new group for women my age. Even now that I´m not in Santiago anymore, the girls still regularly meet and are so glad, that I created the group. Instagram can also be helpful to find people in your area or the website of Meet-Up.

Invite People for Friend Dates

If you met someone that you think is cool and with who you could have things in common, suggest an activity. Don´t wait for them to figure it out, reach out to them with an idea and schedule your next meeting quickly! So often the other person is also interested and glad that you wrote to them.

Reach Out

When you met someone, write them a text afterwards to strengthen the connection. Take up your conversation topics again by sending them a recommendation of a podcast, book or person, that might be helpful for them. It will show that you remembered your talk and care about their interests. 

Trust and Connect

Be courageous and tell them about your current struggle with something. Show a vulnerable side and trust them with a piece of personal information. This will bring your new connection to a new level and help you to turn it into a real friendship.

What helped you the most to turn new contacts into friendships? Share your tips on how to find friends in the comments below and I wish you all a great week,

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    1. I think it’s getting more and more difficult to make friends as I am reaching my 27th birthday soon. Thank you for your tips, they will definitely help me open up more, and make new meaningful connections!

  1. Hi Tiziana,
    über das Thema habe ich am Freitag mit meiner Freundin gesprochen, die gerade umgezogen ist und auch überlegt, wie sie neue Bekanntschaften machen kann. Es ist wirklich so, dass das, sobald man aus Schule und Uni raus ist, einfach etwas schwieriger wird, mal vom Zeitfaktor abgesehen. Ich glaube, Social Media ist da wirklich ein guter Tipp, oder auch der Klassiker, bei Sportgruppen oder sonstige Aktivitäten in der Stadt mitzumachen. Ich glaube, gerade wenn man irgendwo ganz neu ist, hilft es, sich zu überwinden und dieses Unwohlsein mal auszuhalten, denn vielleicht kann sich doch etwas tolles daraus ergeben! Mit dir würde ich mich auch mal gern treffen, aber du bist soooo weit weg 😀
    Liebe Grüße!

    1. Hallo Vanessa,
      da stimme ich dir absolut zu! Wenn man das Unwohlsein akzeptiert und sich für die Anfangszeit wappnet und bewusst dafür entscheidet, wird es viel leichter sich einzuleben 🙂
      Und jaaa wir müssen uns unbedingt irgendwann mal treffen! Vielleicht ist man ja irgendwann zukünftig mal in der Nähe voneinander. Wir sind da durch Instagram ja zum Glück immer ziemlich up-to-date 😉

  2. Hey Tiziana, I hope you’re doing good and thanks for taking a look at my site 🙂

    You always bring useful content, and I can totally identify myself with this topic. I still feel that I don’t have a lot of friends in Barcelona, but little by little I am trying to expand my community. It is really true that as an adult it is more difficult, as children we used to forget about many prejudices and that is the best way to win friends.

    Anyway, it is totally possible to make friends as an adult, these tips are great ideas and I love that you mentioned „prepare to feel uncomfortable“ that’s truth! Actually all new kind of relationships have to experience that and it is natural right?! I am actually working at a coworking space and at least I am getting the chance the meet new people and open conversations.

    All the best!

    1. Hey Pablo,

      Oh that´s such a nice compliment. Thank you!
      I hope you will find some more friends in the future. It always takes a while when you are new somewhere 🙂

      Coworking sounds great too! I´m thinking about trying that out too in the future 🙂

  3. I feel like a lot of us are in the same boat here, like we distanced ourselves from friends we had when we were younger and later. I know I had to distance myself from many and some we just don’t live near each other anymore but it seems like most people glorify staying friends with people who were childhood friends, and while that is great for some people I don’t think a long friendship is always an indication of a quality of friendship and that isn’t always true. I think a lot of people shy away from awkwardness when really it’s very normal and some of us are just awkward people, and I think it’s a good point. Community and events are a good tip, while I personally shy away from but that is because of the community I live in tbh, if I was in a different location then I would do that. All your tips are super solid, thanks for sharing. 🙂

    1. Hi Tiffany, oh I totally agree with you here. A long friendship is not always an indication of the quality of a friendship! Sometimes it´s better to change friends, especially if a friendship was toxic.
      have a great day!

  4. Great post! It’s so true that as we get older, it’s more difficult t make friends, especially if you’re at different stages of your life. I think reaching out and joining groups/classes is a great idea as you already share an interest x

  5. I love these tips, it always seems so hard to make new friends as you get older but it’s great that you’re so proactive with it. Moving can seem so overwhelming so these tips are perfect if you’re truly starting from scratch x

  6. Liebe Tiziana, was für ein interessanter Beitrag. Ich bin ja selbst noch nie in dieser Situation gewesen, als Kind lernt man seine Freunde in der Schule meist so nebenbei kennen und im Erwachseneleben habe ich das Umfeld eigentlich so wirklich großartig gewechselt. Aber ein Familienmitglied ist aus beruflichen Gründen schon in einigen Staaten gewesen und hat dabei Ähnliches wie du berichtet. Es ist eben wichtig, selbst aktiv zu werden, selbst auf andere zuzugehen und nicht darauf zu warten, dass andere das in die Hand nehmen. Außerdem gibt es etwa jetzt in Japan so Gruppen für „Zugereiste“, die Veranstaltungen und Treffen organisieren und so das Einleben erleichtern, aber auch da ist der erste und wichtigste Schritt, sich selbst darum zu kümmern.
    Hab einen wunderbaren Abend und alles Liebe Gesa

  7. OMG this is such an important blog post! As someone in their mid-twenties who’s friends all live in different cities, I’ve always struggled to find new friends and these are some amazing tips!

    Katie |

  8. Ich war noch nie wirklich gut im Freunde finden bzw. tat mich da schwer. Das ist dann als Erwachsener (und mit Arbeit fast ausschließlich von zu Hause aus) noch schwieriger geworden. Da bin ich wirklich froh, dass ich meine paar sehr engen Freunde schon lange habe; das gleicht aus, dass lange niemand mehr wirklich dazu gekommen ist. 😉

    1. Das ging mir früher ähnlich. Ich glaube über die Jahre bin ich besser darin geworden, offener auf andere zuzugehen. Schön, dass du so gut und vor allem langjährige Freundschaften hast 🙂

  9. Hey Tiziana, just stopping to say hi!

    And you’re welcome! You have nothing to thank, I really like the blog posts you’re sharing, really useful for the daily life ❤️

    Happy summer!

  10. Ich finde cool, dass du das Thema aufgreifst. Gerade in der aktuellen zeit ist es ja noch schwieriger geworden neue Leute kennen zu lernen. Besonders, wenn man in eine neue Stadt gezogen ist und außer den Arbeitskollegen (und das im Home Office ja auch eigentlich nicht) kaum soziale Kontakt hat. Da können deine Tipps echt helfen.

    Liebe Grüße, Milli

    1. Vielen Dank Milli, da stimme ich dir absolut zu!
      Gerade wenn man im Home Office arbeitet, kann es schwierig werden, neue Kontakte zu knüpfen und im beruflichen Umfeld echte Freundschaften aufzubauen.

    1. Hi Sam,
      I think we all struggled during the peak of the pandemic with finding and keeping up our friendships. Luckily we have more opportunities now again, to meet in person 🙂

    1. Aww so sweet of you! After my last move to a new country, I also struggled for a bit due to the pandemic restrictions we had last winter. It can really be tough to connect with people if you can´t meet them in person or only outside and are not able to go for a coffee somewhere.

    1. Thanks so much Nicole! It makes me so happy how helpful this blog post has been to so many people. It shows again that often when we feel that we are the only one struggling with something, there are actually a lot of other people that go through the same thing as well – we just have to find them and share our experiences and tips 🙂

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