While this year slowly comes to an end, we start to recapture our moments of the last months. The year 2020 went for no one the way they expected or wished for, but this post isn´t about the special circumstances of the year. It´s more about how those circumstances were bringing out the biggest fears and struggles in most of us. Today I would like to talk about the deep fear, that so many of us feel, the worry of never being able to feel enough.
As some of you know I participated in a writing challenge last month, but even though I managed to win it, I wasn´t satisfied in the end. The more I spoke to other people about my thoughts and the doubting phase, that I´m in right now, the more I realized that it seems to be the same question of WILL IT EVER BE ENOUGH that we all deal with? For me personally, no matter how much I write, will I ever come to the point where I´m satisfied with the word count, quality and productivity level right away without thinking it could be better?
Of course, you can switch writing easily by being productive / fit / healthy / smart / educated / talented enough and so on. The category might change, but the feeling of not being enough stays the same. So today I´d like to share some ideas that I found helpful to bring these doubting thoughts to a new perspective. I hope they help some of you to be less strict and more loving towards yourself.
HOW TO REALIZE YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS
In the state of doubting yourself and your abilities, it is often tricky to realize, that you might put too much pressure on yourself. So how can we learn to see that what we do and who we are is enough?
1. Self Doubts: Are You Weak Or Isn´t It Totally Normal?
Often we overload ourselves with duties and get frustrated when we can´t manage to do them all perfectly. I know that lots of my readers are other bloggers so let´s take that as an example. A blogger has his normal workload from a full-time job, spends his/her free time creating blog posts, but also wants to satisfy family members and friends, kids and husbands/wives, stay fit and healthy and check all the other society ideals that might be too much. Instead of telling yourself that you aren´t good enough at something because your blog isn´t growing as fast as others or your home doesn`t look like in a magazine nor does your family look like on those happy Pinterest pictures, better realize that you are already trying your best and that it´s completely normal, to not have these fake perfect image life, cause the truth is no one has it. Not even the people in those pictures!
2. Comparison Without Context
Now that we realized that we put unreasonable standards for ourselves it´s time to write down which of these standards are the most important ones to you. If you have to choose, which one would be the one you want to succeed in? A ranking might help you to bring all the standards, that you want to reach, to a new perspective. Sometimes even just writing it down can help us realize how many things we expect from ourselves and take some of the pressure away.
So when we stick to our blogging example and say that your goal is to get as successful as someone else, then please remember at the moment when you compare yourself to others, to do a reality check. Is the goal that you want to reach even a real one or completely unrealistic? Also, keep in mind: Everyone is on a different path. Some of us will just have more stops along the way to happiness and our goals.
3. The Cost Of Not Feeling Enough
Are you overstressing yourself so much that you can´t even enjoy your (free) time anymore? We are so afraid of wasting our time and calling a break „procrastination“, that it´s no wonder that we struggle with feeling in balance with our feelings.
Indeed we have only a certain amount of time in our lives and if we want to achieve big goals, we better use that time wisely. But taking breaks and doing things we love is so much more important than just finishing a task. They are a necessary part of our life progress. And the thing is, if you do something that you truly enjoy, it is never a waste of time.
4. Which Value Does It Bring To Your Life?
If you bring yourself in a situation, where you neither enjoy what you are doing nor make progress in your life, it´s no wonder you are questioning yourself, if you use your time wisely. Do things that bring value to your life. The more you leave your comfort zone and try out new things once in a while, you will realize, that you grow and feel more self-esteem. You will less question yourself and therefore feel finally enough. Create happy moments in your life and enjoy the life you are creating. Celebrate your achievements. Print them out and hang them up in your apartment so you can always go back to this proud feeling of success and happiness. It´s good to have big goals, the trickier part is to not give up the hope that one day all the work will pay off and you will reach it. Until then, celebrate the little improvements. The truth is: life is a work in progress and not as perfect as we imagined it to be when we were little. But if you give your days purpose and create those happy moments for yourself, you will be able to enjoy them. We all just have this one life, but if we live it to the fullest, one will be enough.
And so are you.
Lots of love,