Criticism is a topic that has been passing my way a lot in the last few months. I’ve never felt as much criticised as in the current period of life. So I was asking myself: Do I take things too personally? Or is it the fault of others and they should pack their criticism in nicer, more constructive words?
The thing is, you can’t change how others act around you. You can only change your own perspective and action. So today I would like to share my thoughts on criticism with you guys. I collected a couple of good ideas and tips, which can help us all to handle criticism better. If you have some more ideas, please let me know in the comments below. I would really appreciate it!
Getting Criticised Doesn’t Mean You’re A Loser
The first thing that can help you to deal better with criticism is opening up yourself. Change the way you look at a critic. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. Most critics help us to better ourselves and our behaviours. It is okay to make mistakes, we all do. You don’t have to be perfect all the time and it is completely normal that criticism will pass your way. That doesn’t mean that you are not good enough. When you get more open to a critique and even expect it to come, it will hurt you less. Take it as a way to better yourself, instead of looking at it as your failure.
Every Critic Is A Lesson
Hiding in a defensive posture is a shortcut, not a behaviour that will help you in the long term. Instead of looking at a critic as a personal attack, better appreciate it as a lesson. You can only better yourself when you truly listen to others. What did you do, that bothered them so much? Take the critic seriously and ask how you could handle a similar situation better next time. Understand what went wrong and why it hurt the other one.
Acceptance Is The Key
When you listen to someone else, don’t justify yourself directly. Listen to how they feel and accept it as their truth. It won’t help you if you come up with an excuse or respond with a critic. Accept the criticism and understand where it is coming from and the motives first. Only when you truly understand the true intention of the critic, you can solve the problem in the long run.
No Silly Excuses
Don’t come up with excuses. If you made a mistake or hurt someone, stand by it. Apologize when it is necessary and explain your point of view. Share your insight, but keep in mind that it is not about you at the moment. You are talking about the critic at the moment and the main focus should go on that topic. On finding a way how to behave better in the future.
You Are Not Your Mistakes
If you are taking criticism too personally – just like me – it can help to build up an emotional distance from criticism. You are talking about something you did, not you as a person. A critic shouldn’t tear you down, it’s there to help you better yourself. Look at it as a chance.
The Right Form Of Criticism
The way how we communicate something is often so much more important than the actual topic. When you get criticised hold on for a moment and analyse the situation. Is the critic constructive? Is the other person giving you a chance to respond or just attacking you?
A critique isn’t the same thing as a verbal attack. When someone screams at you or attacks you with a never-ending monologue don’t respond directly. Take a moment and instead of listening to what the other one says in their anger moment concentrate on something else. I learned that it can help to count slowly to 10 before I respond. This means that the other person gets a moment where he/she can let out their frustration, but when I’m at ten it is time to stop them. If they still want to attack, it is a clear sign that this is not constructive talk and it’s time to end the conversation.
Alternatively to the counting, you could also concentrate on colours. Look in the room for 5 things in blue. Then in yellow, and red. After finding those main colours you will be calmer inside.
You Are Completely Overwhelmed
When a verbal attack is so harmful that you might get into a panic attack I can recommend you this little exercise. Start with the 5 things you see in the room I described before. Then concentrate on 5 things you feel – but it is more about substances, not your feelings. For example, you can feel the floor material, the fabric of your jeans and the touch of your hand on your arm. Afterwards, search for 5 things you can hear. It sounds so simple, but it can actually help you a lot to calm yourself and shake off a panic attack.
Don’t get fooled
Sometimes a critic isn’t about you. It says more about the other person and their own problems. If you realize that the other one is just overexaggerating, you should definitely question the critic. If the intention of a critic is just to harm you, give a clear response, that you will not accept this kind of behaviour to you. You can offer the others to listen, in case they want to talk about their own feelings, but if they just want to harm you with their words, you better walk out of the situation. Don’t waste your time and energy, on something that is neither your fault nor in your hands to change.
Be open but not too self-critical
Don’t be too self-critical. Especially woman tends to criticise too many things about themself and don’t realize how awesome and unique they actually are. Be open to criticism and take it as a chance to better things, but never forget to also be proud of the person you are – cause you are your own kind of magic.
These are extremely helpful tips!
Curated by Jennifer
Thanks gorgeous!! 🙂
Criticism can be so hard to take as sometimes if comes of as a personal attack instead of a way of informing people on how to be better or addressing the mistake at hand.
I do think that we ALL need constructive criticism as it challenges our image of ourselves and our mental paradigms about the world at large.
I really love this post especially when you said we are not our mistakes. Yes, we can learn from them and move forward; be a phoenix. Such things are easier said than done.
You always post very intelligent content. I love coming here.
Keep shining darling!
Hi Omaye, oh yes we should have a class on how to criticise constructivily in school 😀
Thanks so much for your huge compliment! It really means a lot to me
Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
Oh I`m not sure, if I`m so wise. I just like writing about things that I deal with in my personal life and want to learn more about
Have a great day Kathrine
Great post ♡
Thanks so much!
I clicked on this topic so fast!
Ahhhh criticism – happens in the workplace and amongst friends and family.
You’ve given a lot of good tips.
Something that helps is to really look at the person criticizing you – with some people you know it’s coming from a good place, with others you know
to mentally put their criticism into a trash bin ( ; Xo
haha that`s a great tip Biki!! I will try that one out 🙂
I guess it depends on the type of criticism is it valid and meant to be productive or is it mean spirited and just meant to hurt or defeat. In the age of social media where one can quickly jot off a tirade it seems it is easier then ever to engage in criticism. Great tips here!
Yes that is true Allie!
konstruktive Kritik ist bei mir immer herzlich willkommen. Früher habe ich Kritik als persönlichen Angriff gesehen, heute bin ich dankbar dafür. 🙂
Ein schönes Wochenende und herzliche Grüße, Tati
Hallo Tati konstruktive Kritik ist etwas wunderbares, denn sie hilft einem seine Fähigkeiten zu verbessern und stärker auszubauen. Mit destruktiver Kritik umzugehen, ist um einiges schwieriger.
Ganz liebe Grüße and dich
The content of this post is extremely difficult one to write. It’s a very delicate topic especially now with trending social media hawking our personal lives, we all are so used to getting complements that even a genuine critic is seen as a villain. Thanks for the helpful tips. I loved the faring clmness tips of counting till 10 and watching the colours to calm down.
Hi Hasin, oh that was really interesting to read! I felt like the opposite, maybe it`s depending on where people live.. I feel like compliments are really rare these days and that people critic and gossip about a hundred things each day
Criticism doesn’t always mean something is bad. We learn if we make mistakes, when we never make mistakes we’re not able to learn. If somebody tells us to do it the other way round it also doesn’t mean he’s right. Accept criticism though but never feel offended.
Little Glittery Box
Oh das hast du wirklich sehr schön geschrieben Simone!!
Thanks for sharing!
Criticism is always an issue!!
Thanks for leaving a comment! 🙂
Guten Morgen Tiziana, manchmal kommt es bei mir darauf an, wie ich Kritik verarbeite. Wenn etwas ein Herzensprojekt von mir ist und man krittelt daran herum, merke ich gleich, wie ich meinen Rücken versteife und meine Schultern verspanne. Da muss ich tief ein- und ausatmen, damit ich nichts Blödes sage. Und dann gibt es Kritik, wo es gleich noch einen Verbesserungsvorschlag gibt. Sowas ist natürlich herzlich bei mir willkommen. Ich wünsche Dir ein schönes Wochenende. Liebe Grüße Jana
Liebe Jana ja das verstehe ich gut, das geht mir ähnlich 🙂
I’m pretty bad for handling criticism so thank you so much for sharing all theses informations.
Next time I’ll definitely try to look for 5 objects in red, yellow and blue in the room to calm down if I’m about to explode haha.
It sounds genius.
haha hopefully it helps you! I laughed about the tip when I first read it, but it actually helps me 😀
Liebe Tiziana, Kritik ist für die meisten Menschen auf den ersten Blick mal was Negatives. Da wird etwas bewertet, etwas, das ich gemacht habe, etwas, das ich gesagt hat, wie ich mich verhalte oder benehme und es wird zumindest innerlich gleich mal auf Abwehr gegangen. Oftmals wird dabei da bei einem „Dies ist nicht besonders gut“ nicht die eigentliche Bewertung der Arbeit ins Auge gefasst und überlegt, was da besser gemacht werden kann, sondern es wird auf sich selbst als Person bezogen und als „Ich bin nicht besonders gut“ verstanden. Daher finde ich es toll, welche hilfreichen Anregungen und Gedanken du dazu hast. Sicherlich gibt es ungerechtfertigte, böse und gemeine Aussagen, aber in vielen Fällen handelt es sich doch um konstruktive Kritik, die uns schlussendlich auch helfen kann und daher ist es absolut sinnvoll, eine positive Kritikhandling zu entwickeln.
Hab einen ganz wunderbaren Tag und alles Liebe
Hallo liebe Gesa ja das stimmt natürlich 🙂
I love this advice it is really helpful. I think a lot of people tend to get annoyed but when it comes right down to it really depends on who is giving you the criticism to begin with 🙂 http://www.bauchlefashion.com/2020/08/5-reasons-why-i-prefer-smaller-bags_15.html
Good point Heather 🙂
This was really lovely to read! I do not deal with criticism well (I can get a bit defensive and angry). I definitely am learning to be more open-minded and accepting and willing to change and I’ll also learn to be calmer too. The counting numbers/colours trick seems really calming.
Hi Clarissa, dealing with criticism is definitely a hard one for me as well 🙂
The more we learn about it, the better we get. Send you a big hug !
This is a great post. I like to think i’m good at receiving criticism but it is something I have worked on over the years. I used to take it personally and it did knock my confidence right down. I believe in giving great criticism without having to hurt the others feelings. I hope you are doing well : ) xo
Yes that is the best form of criticism, helpful and in a nice package 🙂
Have a good day!!
eib toller Blogpost, in dem ich mich total wiederfinde. Ich kann mittlerweile besser mit Kritik umgehen als früher, aber dennoch triggert es mich manchmal, je nachdem, worum es geht. Da sind manchmal noch alte Glaubenssätze zu sehr im Fokus bei mir, daran arbeite ich.
Bei destruktiver Kritik hilft auch oft, daran zu denken, dass das, was die Person äußert, mehr über sie statt über dich aussagt!
Ganz liebe Grüße und einen tollen Start in die Woche!
Oh meine liebe Vanessa ja absolut!! Da hast du Recht 🙂
This is a great post, we should talk more about this. I like to think i’m good at receiving criticism but it is something I have worked on over the years. I used to take it personally and it did knock my confidence right down. I believe in giving great criticism without having to hurt the others feelings. I hope you are doing well : ) xo
I often take criticism quite hard so all these tips were definitely helpful. It’s so true about how sometimes it’s not even about you but the person making the comment.
Eileen | yesmissy.com
Hi Eileen oh I feel you. I`m also struggling with staying calm when I get destructive critic. I learned a lot about it in the last months and hope the older I get the less I will care 🙂
Constructive critic is obviously a completely different topic and really helpful!
I always need to remind myself that often people say things not as a personal reflection on me but as a result of something happening to the other individual. Taking things in stride is still a lesson I’m learning!
Wow that is an amzign decription but it`s so true!!
Criticism is never fun, so thank you for sharing these very practical and positive ways to handle criticism!
Thanks Heidi! 🙂
I think you can pack critic in a respectful and constructive way, that way it`s not hurting the other one and is really useful
Such a great post!
Thanks so much!
These are some great tips, thanks for sharing. 🙂
Thanks so much!
These are very helpful, and I always remember when it comes to other criticizing me if they actually have a right to do so, since some people really don’t have a right to do so, and certain people don’t come with this in a way that is constructive or does it come from a place of heart or good. Unfortunately a lot of my family falls into the category of no heart or good, to be honest. I feel like this list is more helpful for me with a few family members and mostly friends. I think I can take it too personally sometimes, which is why I don’t react, I leave it ago for a short time, then reflect with fresh eyes and that helps me. 🙂
Hi Tiffany well written and I totally agree!! 🙂
I was pretty bad in handling criticism but now I have improved a lot! All these tips mentioned by you are really amazing! Very well thought tips!
Thanks so much, it really lightens up my day 🙂
I think it’s our natural response to be defensive when we are criticized. These are great tips on how to handle it!
Jill – Doused in Pink
Thanks Jill, I loved your latest post by the way!! 🙂
Beautifully written, babe! Learning to be open to and more accepting about criticism gives us all the opportunity to grow more!
Le Stylo Rouge
Thanks Ashley you´re always so kind 🙂
Mir hilft es immer, wenn ich mir vor Augen halte, dass derjenige, der mich kritisiert, mich selbst als einen Spiegel zu sich selbst sieht 🙂 Und wenn ich mit der Kritik wirklich nichts anfangen kann, lasse ich die Kritik bei dem, der sie ausübt 🙂
Liebe Grüße, Rena
Was für ein guter Tipp, danke Rena! 🙂
Very nice advices my dear
Thanks Alice!! 🙂
Hello Tiziana, hope you’re enjoying these odd summer days!
First of all your pictures give me those peaceful vibes that are really needed nowadays, and you can really link them to the topic you’re talking about!
I love these tips, specially for the fact that they could be useful for everybody, despite our activity, work or we have a project that we’re starting. We have to understand and learn that not everybody would like us and that perspectives of others are conditioned to many factors right? The good stuff is to take the feedback and learn from it, as you said!
Oh Pablo you´re such a kind guy! Thanks so much and yes let`s take the feedback and turn it into something greater!
Wow, der Post passt perfekt! Ich hatte neulich auch mit Kritik zu tun – von Leuten, von denen ich es eher nicht gedacht hätte, weil wir eigentlich gut befreundet sind… Gottseidank hat sich das geklärt.
Deine Tipps sind toll, besonders das mit dem Konzentrieren auf Farben, Dinge die man fühlt, etc.
Viele liebe Grüße,
Krissi von the marquise diamond
Danke Krissi, da bin ich froh, dass sich die Kritik von deinen Freunden klären konnte und es eventuell eher ein schlecht kommunizierter Gedanke war, als wirklich ein ernstgemeinter unschöner Kommentar.
Ich hatte in der letzten Woche auch einen überraschenden Kritik-Moment mit ein paar neuen Freunden. Ich glaube, manchmal trifft einen Kritik so hart, genau dann, wenn man sie am wenigsten erwartet und total von ihr überrascht wird. Wie bei allem macht auch hier Übung den Meister 😉
Love these peaceful beach shots!
Criticism is something I think one one enjoys especially when it comes from a place of fear.
Thanks so much Radi!!
This is really amazing to read, it’s important to handle criticism in the right way as possible
Thanks Lovely hope you have a fab day! 🙂
Good tips here, Tiziana! I do not mind criticism as long as it is constructive. Sometimes people want you to be better, but they just don’t know how to properly form a sentence in a way that it helps you grow, yet without putting your spirits down xx
Hi Naya that is such a nice description!!
I love this post, keep up the good work.
Lots of love.
Thanks so so much Natalia!!
This is SO good. Such wise words that I will be sharing.
Oh thanks Jodie!!
As a designer I have certainly had to get used to criticism! I agree there is always a lesson xx
Oh that must be hard for sure!!
I am super critical of myself. This was a very interesting and helpful post. Loved ‚you are not your mistakes‘ I have to keep that in mind 🙂
Hi Maria oh I feel you! I´m really working on how to be less self-critic. We should better give ourselves some love and respect how far we´ve already come
Such a good post, great tips!
Thanks for being such a frequent reader and always leaving a little comment, I really appreciate it 🙂